


Dear Daddies Long Legs

by elletromil, InsaneRedDragon, trekkiepirate



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Epistolary, Established Relationship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-08-29 14:16:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 15,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16745566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil, https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneRedDragon/pseuds/InsaneRedDragon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkiepirate/pseuds/trekkiepirate
Summary: This week’s lessons will be focused on breaking you all of your bad habits and teaching you new ones. Text speak and emoji are not how a Kingsman conducts business. Consider the last time you actually sat down with a sheet of paper and penned a letter to anyone.Galahad has kindly volunteered to help with the lessons, especially those dealing with longhand and the formalities of letter writing.Our responses, if any, will likewise be returned via letter.--What starts as a training exercise for Kingsman candidates, soon becomes a coping mechanism for three agents dealing with love, grief, and resurrection.





	1. Chapter 1

**Training Cohort 2014; Position - Lancelot**

**Subject:** Language and Writing Skills

Lady and Gentleman,

While many of you have had the opportunity to work on your written communications via your educations, there are some skills that are no longer taught in our schools.

We are, for lack of a better description, a high tech spy agency. But there are times and places where it will be required for a gentleman to be ‘old-fashioned’.

We coordinate, liaise, and work for governments and agencies all over the world, and some of them still live in the dark ages of paperwork and hard copies.

When handling threats against heads of state, many of those still come in the form of written letters. You will learn how to analyze - pen pressure, handwriting, word choice. Skills that you can use in the field when there is no time, or you’re unable, to contact an in house analyst.

There are times when a personally written letter or invitation will be the only appropriate way to initiate or maintain contact, with us or the target, for a mission.

As such, this week’s lessons will be focused on breaking you all of your bad habits and teaching you new ones. Text speak and emoji are not how a Kingsman conducts business. Consider the last time you actually sat down with a sheet of paper and penned a letter to anyone.

Galahad has kindly volunteered to help with the lessons, especially those dealing with longhand and the formalities of letter writing.

For this week, you will be required to submit written letters to both myself and Galahad, twice daily. The first to be on the subject of your choosing. The second, a summary of your day, including what you learned in your classes, and an assessment of the skill you are working on that day.

Our responses, if any, will likewise be returned via letter.

Physical training will continue on as usual.

Merlin  
Quartermaster

_cc: Galahad_


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Galahad and Merlin,

Expect me to be shit at this. Should I swear in the first sentence? Fuck it, it’s in there because pen and paper don’t come with delete buttons. You’ll have to help with the refining, yeah?

So, a subject of my choosing, eh? All right, but just remember you asked for it.

Why Parkour Should Be Part of Training by Eggsy Unwin.

So, say you’re three stories up a building and you just finished a mission, right? Shot a would-be assassin or stole info off the unconscious dickhead you darted and his computer. But what’s this? He’s got friends and they’re headed your way. Sure, you could take ‘em all out, but that’ll be pretty attention-grabbing for a stealth operation. Only one door in and that’s about to have goons crawling up your arse. What do you do?

Out the fucking window, mates. Lots of buildings, unless you’re in American big cities where apparently there ain’t nothing but sheer glass and hospital visits, have ledges of some sort for the windows. Sure, to most folks you’re still screwed, but if you know parkour. If you know how to take an inch and turn it into a handhold or foothold, you’re gonna come through this aces.

So, out the window. First thing you need to do is get out of sight. See if you can swing around to another window, preferably above you ‘cause most folks ain’t gonna look up, are they? No momentum in this scenario, so you’re gonna need to channel Spiderman and climb shit. Plenty of places gonna have enough cracks and crannies in the masonry for you to get your hands in. As for your feet, if you can’t slot the toes of a shoe in, better to just ditch ‘em, mate. Might rough your feet up a bit, but it’s better than a long drop and a big splat. You can always pick ‘em up once you’ve escaped.

Now, look for a smaller window. This usually means the loo. Tends to open out, so remember that. Open window, climb in. If you’re lucky, it’s empty. Find the stairs and pick up your shoes on the way back to the tailors. If it ain’t, well I know that amnesia darts are a thing, right Galahad?

Also, I’ve seen enough Bond to know that sometimes you’re gonna chase the baddie over rooftops. Or be chased if it’s all gone tits up. If it ain’t a movie and you ain’t got a harness and a stunt guy, parkour is the thing gonna save your life. You’ll already know how to make the jumps and find the quickest way to get away or get your man. Something I am a bit of an expert in, btw. Oh shit, gotta spell it out, right. By the way.

In conclusion, parkour should be part of our training because I bet lots of missions happen in cities and wearing camo and hiding in bushes ain’t gonna help with that.

Eggsy Unwin

Trainee. Position: Lancelot


	3. Chapter 3

Eggsy,

_If_  you make it through the training and the tests we can discuss adding in a parkour section to the process. I’m always open to suggestions from Knights on how to better prepare candidates and determine specialties.

I’ll leave the finer points of your… letter writing to Galahad.

Merlin

* * *

Harry,

Your boy is smart, and he has a very good point about bringing in parkour skills to the table. If he makes it to Lancelot, perhaps a few of his successful missions will help me to convince Arthur to add a gymnastics section to the training. Between us, you made a good choice. He’s an excellent candidate.

In the meantime, can you please work with him on his formal writing skills. That wasn’t as bad as Digby’s letter, but…

M


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Eggsy,

First off, I would like to commend you for thinking so quickly of a subject that shows off not only forward thinking but where you display your own unique perspective on situations you are wont to find yourself thrown into in the future. I can already tell you that the content of your letter is definitely going to be food for thought.

However, as much as the idea is novel and one that will be taken under advisement, the execution of your letter left much to be desired.

You did get the salutation right, which I must admit was more than I had hoped for. It would have been even better if you had ended your letter with the customary complimentary close. Exactly which one may change depending on your rapport with the recipient, but for a first contact, a “Kindest regards” would do nicely.

Next, I would like to address the swearing. You were right, you shouldn’t swear in the first sentence. Or any of them preferably. Of course, like for the complimentary close, the tone of your letter might change if the continuation of your correspondence with your contact depends on it. But do remember that Kingsman agents are first and foremost gentlemen. It is very unlikely that swearing would come up easily in your vocabulary.

On that subject, -vocabulary-, please try to refrain from using text speak. You noticed of course, but such an error could prove fatal. I would suggest that for the next few letters, you start writing a few drafts first. You can’t start relying on that too much as you won’t have such a luxury on your missions, but it will help you learn to ponder your words a bit before starting to write them on paper.

There are several more points I would like to raise, but it wouldn’t do to overwhelm you so soon. These few hints will have to do for now.

Kindest regards,  
  
Galahad

* * *

Merlin,

I know you think I’ve only brought in Eggsy because I still feel guilty for Lee, but I did do an extensive background check on the boy before. If he hadn’t had the potential to become a Kingsman, I would have done him a disservice by making him my proposal for Lancelot’s position. That is not how I intend to pay back my debt to his father.

But that’s not a discussion I wish to have again with you… At least not through paper.

If you think it would help with your endeavour, I can probably convince Percival to speak in favour of adding some gymnastics to the training. Maybe even Hector and Tristan.

And please don’t remind me of Digby’s letter. I wish you had let me burn it. At least Eggsy’s had some… flair. Something that was definitely missing from the former. You’ll have to read my reply before I hand it to him. I fear a few profanities will escape my notice if you don’t.

Always yours,  
Harry


	5. Digby's Letter

Dear Sirs,

Since you said we could write you about anything, I figured this was a good chance for me to bring up my complaints about the current group of recruits.

It’s unfair of u to ask us to not only compete against a girl, but to also include someone of questionable background such as Eggsy. neither of them follow the tradition of the agents that came before them, and we waste time and effort trying to accommodate them.

I ask that you, Arthur, and the other agents rework the standards by which agents are allowed to select candidates. ITMT, I request that you consider moving Eggsy and Roxy to the support side of the organization.

Thx, Digby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Author’s Notes_
> 
> I personally headcanon that while Charlie is the most vocal about his feelings towards Eggsy’s upbringing and having a girl as a candidate when he doesn’t think anyone is watching, he’s also the most well behaved when someone of authority is around. He has learned well how to play the game, getting away with being an asshole when he doesn’t think he’ll get caught, and making sure he doesn’t step out of line when he thinks Merlin’s watching.
> 
> That being said, Digby and the others aren’t quite as good at keeping their remarks to themselves, as is evident by this letter. Let’s just say he pretty quickly learns to keep his thoughts to himself after he gets reamed out by Harry, so he just manages not to get himself dismissed.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Merlin and Galahad,

Sorry about the swearing. And the forgetting to close properly or whatever. And whatever else I did wrong. I’m going to get this right, swear down. Course I knew about the dear whoever thing to start. I do have some basic knowledge of letter writing, all right?

Mum loves old movie musicals, especially those with Fred Astaire. There’s this film he did called Daddy Long Legs. It’s about a bloke who sees this girl being really kind and awesome so decides to sponsor her education. He doesn’t tell her anything about himself, just asks that she writes him letters to let her know how she’s getting on.She calls him Daddy Long Legs because all she was told was that he was tall, with long legs. Sound familiar, eh Harry?  So she spends years writing him letters, telling her all about herself. But he never writes back. Eventually he can’t help himself and he arranges to meet her, but she still don’t know who he is. She’s all grown up now and despite the pretty big age difference between them they still fall in love. Happily ever after and all. It’s always been one of my favourites.

Plus, there’s a pretty amazing dance sequence. When I was a kid, I’d try to copy it. I think that’s why Mum put me in gymnastics. Weren’t coordinated enough for some of the complicated dance steps, but flips and spins and sh- things I had down.

Huh, suppose that bit about the film can be my subject for this one. Anyway, I’ll get the closing right this time.

Kindest regards,

Eggsy Unwin

Trainee. Position: Lancelot


	7. Chapter 7

Harry,

Of course your boy would have the same taste in movies as you do. Perhaps the next time you want to have a marathon you can invite him and I can read my books in peace.

Eggsy does have something of a point about the name, though. I rather wish I had thought of it, back when we exchanged letters regularly. I did call out the length of your inseam on more than one occasion, if I remember correctly.

In seriousness, he picked up on your lesson quite quickly. Gwen also gave him good marks for the first set of analysis she assigned. I don’t think we have to worry about him washing out at at the end of the week.

M


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Merlin and…

This ain’t fair, you know? You can tell me to make him proud until you’re blue in the head, Merlin, but if he ain’t here to *words are wet and smudged; impossible to read*

I’ve been hanging out in Medical. I tried sneaking around, but I figure you already know about the eight or so times I’ve snuck in already since you’re like, omnipotent and such. I did wonder about not having to dodge doctors and nurses by the third time. I’ve never known anyone in a coma before. They say you’re supposed to talk to them, but most of the talking I’ve been doing to Harry has been in these letters, eh? He’s busy with whatever he’s working on and I’m trying to not get myself kicked out. But he still showed up sometimes, to talk to me. Teach me some stuff the others know because of their posh schooling. I miss talking to him. And writing to him so he could help me there too. I’m writing this at his bedside. He’s started to show some stubble from not shaving. His hair’s curling a bit too. I didn’t know he had curly hair, not with all the stuff he puts in it to make it smooth. It always looks, looked, so smooth.  ~~It’s more touchable like this.~~

And it ain’t fair. Now I don’t have anyone to talk to about this whole training business. Harry was good for listening to me ranting about Charlie and his cronies. Or how I’m worried when it comes right down to it that I won’t beat Roxy (’cause if it ain’t me being Lancelot, it’s gonna be her. Girl’s a star). Or how sad I am that I couldn’t save Amelia from drowning. Will her family ever know what’s happened to her? Will someone tell my mum if I die in the trials? Will she get another medal for my sister to spend her life wondering about?

Fuck. Sorry, I know I’m not supposed to swear in letters. You’ll probably mark me up for that, Merlin. Harry wouldn’t. He’d pretend to, but he wouldn’t. He could swear the sky blue sometimes. JB peed on his shoe once and I never laughed so hard in my life, listening to the increasingly vulgar words Harry came up with. I think some of them was Italian or something.

I should go if I plan to get any sleep at all. God only knows what you’ve got cooked up for us in the morning, Merlin. I’ll leave this here; I know you visit Harry as often, if not more than I do. You’ll find it.

Let me know if anything changes. Just… soon as he wakes up, tell me. Please. I can’t do this without him, Merlin.  ~~I don’t want to.~~

Best wishes,

Eggsy Unwin

Kingsman Trainee: Lancelot


	9. Chapter 9

Eggsy,

I knew the very first night you snuck in here - I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I didn’t. However, there isn’t really any precedent for a candidate visiting the knight who proposed them. It’s a little unusual, but there is no need for you to sneak around. As you’ve already noted, I’ve asked the medical staff to let you be should they see you. 

Agents are in coma’s more often than I wish, and it’s true that talking to them can help. But you being here isn’t only about helping him, it’s about helping yourself too.

Ever since Harry was a young man, he’s enjoyed things that were dramatic. “A well written letter can be as moving to the soul as a Shakespearean sonnet,” he told me after one of the first letters he wrote me. I’m quite certain I rolled my eyes at him and handed him a note about his upcoming mission on a tea stained napkin.

So talk to him, but if it feels better, write to him too. The letters you leave here are personal. I won’t be assessing them or putting them in your file. Harry and I will be the only ones to ever see them, and I promise I won’t ever read one that is only addressed to him.

I guarantee he’ll read every one of them when he wakes up.

And he will wake up, Eggsy. He has to.  ~~You aren’t the only one that can’t do this without him.~~

Merlin

*in the margins* (Well done recognizing the schedule changes. You caught those immediately. But we need to work on your skills blending in. While you did manage to dodge most of the staff the first night, the two who did note your presence immediately recognized you as a candidate. You can’t always count on being stealthy. Sometimes the best way is to blend in.)

*in the margins, other side* (Harry  _will_ be proud of you. I know it because I find myself proud of you and everything you’ve learned so far.)

* * *

[inside an aged, unmarked envelope, lying directly underneath Merlin’s letter to Eggsy]

_October 16th, 1985_

Harry,

When I agreed to stay over at your house during your mission to watch Mr. Pickle, I did so under the impression that I had already been introduced to all the quirks of your home. I had made my peace with your penchant for dog illustrations, the multiple tea sets, and the closet full of lace tablecloths.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that since the last time I kipped with you, you had decided to turn the loo into an insectarium. Why in the world would you need to decorate with dead bugs? 

I hope you realize I will no longer be going in there. It’s a good thing we’d already put my toiletries in the ensuite, or I would have been forced to use your toothbrush instead.

I miss you.

Leatsa gu sìorraidh,

Merlin


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Merlin,

I saw there was another letter, but it didn’t have a name. Though I’m sure I know who’s it for and I figured if you ain’t gonna read the ones I leave just for him, then I’d best do you the same courtesy. I haven’t read it, especially ‘cause it looks old. Yellowing a bit at the edges. I’m gagging to, but I haven’t.

I wasn’t trying to be stealthy, not really. Not that first time. I was, just, upset. And it took way too little time to become used to going to Harry when I’m upset. Habit, I suppose. Thanks for having a word with the docs, but if they need to do something, tests or the like, and I’m in here, they can kick me out. I’d rather Harry get better and wake up. Me sighing at his bedside like some war wife isn’t going to do any good for anyone but me.

I’d love for you to help me with the stealth thing and the blending in. I know I wouldn’t blend in right now, but if I’m gonna be a Kingsman then I’d best learn it quick.

I appreciate you letting me write just to Harry. It’s not that there’s anything I want to keep from you, but there are things that it’ll help me to write to just him. And thanks, for what you said about how he’d be proud of me. And how you are too. That’s why I’m working so hard. I wanna be a Kingsman, yeah, but I also wanna make you both proud.

Warm regards (I learned a new closing!),

Eggsy Unwin

Kingsman trainee: Lancelot

* * *

Eggsy sighed as he folded the letter and wrote Merlin’s name on it. “Now, for you Harry,” he said, reading aloud as he wrote. On the off chance Harry could hear.

 

Dear Harry,

I miss you. Please wake up. I’m going to become a Kingsman and then I’ll be there to watch your back next time. I don’t know how often a mission needs two agents, but I hope that every time I’m with you. I know you’ll take care of me and protect me. You make me feel safe. Haven’t felt that way in a really long time.

Love,

Eggsy

 

Swiping a hand across his suddenly wet eyes, Eggsy wrote Harry’s name on that letter and folded it an extra time, tucking it under a vase on Harry’s bedside table. “I best get going. Good night, Harry. Please wake up,” he said, his usual mantra upon leaving Harry’s room these days. Eggsy looked and felt the strongest urge to kiss Harry’s forehead, but Merlin had cameras in here and there were some things he couldn’t say out loud. Not yet.


	11. Chapter 11

[a note, laid on the top of a second unmarked, aged letter]

Thank you, Eggsy, for respecting our privacy as well. But I will make sure that anything that should remain private is clearly marked with Harry’s name. 

All these letters reminded me of the ones Harry and I exchanged a long time ago. I thought he might get some amusement out of them when he woke up. You might too. Help yourself.

-M

* * *

_February 24th, 1989_

Harry, 

I did it. You’ll know that by the time you read this but it was worth writing.

Genevieve offered to knit me some hats to use until the end of winter, but I politely declined. 

Arthur’s scowl was even more pronounced today than usual, and I’ll admit that made the day more tolerable. I’ll have to keep an eye on the current code of conduct to make sure he doesn’t try and add some clause about a Kingsman’s acceptable hairstyle.

I will admit, however, I’m looking forward to not fighting over the mirror with you in the morning. I will be taking my extra ten minutes in bed, free of your complaints about my use of your pomade.

Leatsa gu sìorraidh,

Merlin


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Merlin,

Wow, you and Harry used to be flatmates? I can’t believe you shaved your head to avoid fighting over the bathroom mirror with him. You are an absolute legend, mate. What colour did your hair used to be: brown or black? I can’t see you as a blond.

I bet Arthur make a right fuss when you swanned in, all shiny dome. Was it the same Arthur as now? ‘Cause I can just picture his expression (same one he gives me when he thinks I can’t see him), all pinched mouth and stuck-up nose.

What’s your closing words mean? I assume it’s a Scots language, but I don’t know much (except the swears) of any.

I gotta say, I liked reading that letter. Knowing you two weren’t sprung fully formed from some Gods’ head is nice. Makes you both more approachable, more… real. Less perfect than the idea of you I’ve got in my head. I’d be happy to read any others, if you don’t mind me seeing ‘em.

Warm regards,

Eggsy Unwin

Kingsman Trainee: Lancelot


	13. Chapter 13

Eggsy laid the letter to Merlin on top of the older letter, then looked at Harry, still sleeping in the hospital bed. He got out another sheet of paper and began to write.

 

Dear Harry,

Merlin let me read an old letter he wrote to you. So, your bathroom hogging made him shave his head? Not very gentlemanly of you, Harry. Didn’t you ever learn to share? It was nice to read that letter. I hope Merlin lets me read more. He sure saved them for a long time. I wonder if you’ll save these letters after you wake up.

Please wake up.  ~~I need~~     ~~I want~~

Love,

Eggsy

 

Eggsy folded the letter and debated writing Harry’s name across the top. He decided against it and left it with the one to Merlin. If Merlin was going to share his letters to Harry, then Eggsy could do the same.

Eggsy stood and leaned over Harry. “Good night, Harry. Please wake up.” He kissed Harry’s forehead and was halfway back to the barracks before he’d realized what he’d done. What Merlin must have seen. “Shit.”


	14. Chapter 14

Eggsy,

I assure you that Harry and I aren’t perfect. We both have our flaws, in personality and otherwise. One of mine is certainly evident by the fact I didn’t shave my head over Harry’s hogging of the loo (although that’s a habit he has always kept, no matter how much I’ve complained), but because it was the better alternative to my receding hairline.  ~~Harry may have helped me make up my mind on how to handle it by claiming I’d never go through with shaving it~~.

Harry wasn’t always the only vain one, he’s just the only one who hasn’t outgrown it.

Speaking of vanity, Harry is going to be beside himself at your most recent weapons scores. You beat his best long range scores by 20 points. Should you make it all the way, you could consider specializing in long range weapons.

Another thing that each agent needs to master is at least one foreign language. Most of the other candidates already have one other language under their belts. Perhaps you could catch up by learning Gaelic. It won’t be particularly useful as an agent, unless you want to understand the profanities I’m apt to mutter when a mission goes to shit, but it’s a good beginning. I’ve left an English/Gaelic dictionary on the windowsill. You can start by answering your own question.

And, yes, it was the same Arthur, with the same expression you described. Just picture it with blonde hair and fewer wrinkles.

Be forewarned, while all things relating to  _estate surveillance_  and Kingsman personnel (conduct, reviews,  _relationships_ ) goes through me first, Arthur is privy to them as well when he’s curious. And as you’ve seen, he has some antiquated views about what is  _appropriate_ for a Kingsman. Don’t give him any ammunition to kick you out.

A good spy learns how to hide in plain sight. Harry and I are experts should you need help.

Merlin

*in the margins* 5 minutes of footage was looped from last night, if anyone comes checking

* * *

_June 5th, 1993_

Harry,

You won’t be getting this until after I’ve seen you in medical, but I can already hear your complaints. That picture of a giant ass on your cast IS COMPLETELY justified. Don’t bother Morgan about replastering you. He’s under strict orders to make it bright pink and to knock you out so all of the handlers can draw on it if you ask.

Don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again.

Leatsa gu sìorraidh,

Merlin

* * *

[a heavy weight paper, carefully inscribed with Harry’s name and placed underneath the now overwhelming stack of letters]

Harry,

You’ve made quite the impression on the lad. I think I’m supposed to be jealous, but I’m not. I know how much you mean to me, how much you changed my life and made it better, and I can’t begrudge the boy having fallen ass over tits for you. Besides, I’m quite fond of him now.

Unfortunately, he seems determined to remain oblivious to our relationship. I’ve tried to nudge him in the right direction to little effect. He’s training to be a spy - I refuse to spell it out for him.

You need to wake up, pet. I fear I’m out of my depth, and you wouldn’t dare leave me to try and navigate what a gentleman should do in this situation, would you? We both know how that will turn out.

M


	15. Chapter 15

Merlin,

I wish you hadn’t insisted that I stayed overnight at the infirmary, if not for my sake, then for yours. Don’t think I didn’t noticed how tense you were earlier.

I am grateful that you snuck in my robe, however. I know it is simply a trick of the mind, but I would swear it smells like home. If I can’t sleep in your arms tonight, then this is definitely the next best thing.

I know I can’t possibly be missing you as much you did me these past few weeks, especially since I can distinctly remember hearing your voice during my coma. I haven’t the faintest idea what you said except probably the usual insults on my foolishness, but you should know I tried hard to wake up to return the kind words.

I had thought reading the letters you and Eggsy left for me would help me fight the homesickness I was feeling, but if anything it made it worse.

Though, I am glad to know that neither of you were completely alone. You deal better with your worries when you have someone to fuss about and Eggsy deserves someone that will look out for him at all times. Not that I am implying any favoritism or such nonsense. I’ve known for years that your ‘caring’ is a strict hand.

Which is exactly what I and the boy need. I indulge myself too much and would spoil him rotten if given half the chance. And even if he’s doing better than when I first met him, Eggsy does like to wallow in defeatism…

I cannot talk for Eggsy, but I know I strive to please you, which is a hard thing to do. If it hadn’t been for you, I fear there would have been trials for the Galahad position many years ago. There aren’t that many things left in my life worth returning to.  ~~I start feeling my age and~~

  
Well, this took a maudlin turn I wasn’t expecting. I blame whatever drugs are in my system. And if there are none, then whatever aftereffects of my ordeal.

But talking about things worth returning to, I think we need a good discussion as soon as possible. Some things are too precious and private to be laid out on paper. And you are entirely right. I would never let you navigate anything alone if I can help it.

Always yours,  
Harry

* * *

My dear Eggsy,

I wanted to commend you once again for all your hard work. Considering the situation, you could have let my little misadventure distract you into making errors, but you showed a dedication worthy of a seasoned spy in all your assigned tasks. I am very proud of you for your achievements, knowing how much of your free time you passed at my bedside.

I also wanted to thank you for keeping company to Merlin during that time. He is much too proud a man to admit it himself, but he needs someone to remind him there is a world outside those walls, especially in such times.

I was also pleasantly surprised to find out you had elected to continue our correspondence and that my lack of response didn’t discourage you. It is… Gratifying to know you feel safe in my presence and I hope I will never give you cause to feel otherwise.

I look forward to working with you. There aren’t many missions that necessitate two agents, but new Knights are traditionally paired with the agent that proposed them for a time. There is, after all, a world of difference between training and the field. But I have no doubts you will do as brilliantly there as you do here.

I know there is no longer any need to keep up the correspondence, what with you getting top marks in that course a bit before I woke up and how we can now have two-sided discussion since I am conscious again, but if you were amenable to it, I’d  ~~lo~~  like for us to continue.

These letters are a nice change to bills and coded secrets that have made up my quotidian for so long. I fear Merlin and I have long since fallen out of the habit of writing to each other, even if I do think we are slowly picking it up again.

Some things are worth being immortalised on paper after all.

With all my affection,  
Harry


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Merlin,

I am so sorry. I translated your closing in the letters to Harry. I just…I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I had no idea and I feel a right tit. Thank you for helping me with the footage and everything and I’m so so sorry again. I didn’t mean to overstep. I didn’t know. I should have seen, I should have KNOWN that the two of you were together. How the fuck could either of you be single, amazing as you are?

I’m just still surprised you gave me a working parachute. Someone made a move on  ~~Harry you~~  my partner and I’d toss them out of a plane with a fucking rock tied round their neck.

I’m really sorry and I’m just going to go drown myself in the pool, ta. I’ll back off, swear down. If you want to tell Harry about how I embarrassed myself, you can of course, but I won’t. He’s all yours. You’re all his.  ~~I’m no on~~

Eggsy Unwin

Fuck-Up

* * *

Dear Harry,

I’m very glad you’ve woken up. I was quite worried for a while there. Thank you for your praise of my scores. I’ve worked very hard to make you not regret your decision to recruit me. ~~I didn’t mean to kis~~  I’ve learned a lot through writing these letters. Thank you for always being an excellent teacher. I couldn’t wish for a better  ~~man~~  mentor to guide me.

The parachute test was the worst so far. I honestly thought Roxy and I were going to go the way of Amelia. If you watch the footage, please ignore the terrified screaming. I should have known Merlin wouldn’t intentionally put  ~~me~~  any of us in true danger. Not after what happened to Amelia. I should have trusted him.  ~~I should have done a lot of things when it comes to him.~~

I don’t know if Merlin told you, but I bet he will. And I’m sorry. I didn’t know.  ~~I never would have~~

Eggsy Unwin

Kingsman Trainee: Lancelot


	17. Chapter 17

(a blinking blue light flashes at the corner of his glasses)

\- Yes Harry?

_\- Hello Merlin, I was wondering if you had a moment for a private conversation._

\- I was just prepping for your mission to Valentine’s gala. I can multi-task. One moment.

(a red circle rings the blue light as a secure channel is opened)

Alright, we’re on my private line.

_\- Good, good._

_Can you tell me what in heaven’s name happened with Eggsy? What did you do to my poor boy?_

\- (a sigh) I didn’t do anything. You said you’d read through the letters. Did you not notice how over the moon the boy is for you? I didn’t read any of the personal ones he left you, but I didn’t really need to, he’s quite obvious.                 

_\- Well, yes he’s not the most adept a subtlety._

_But he in his latest letter he sounded… Distressed. He apologized about something he thought you would have told me, but I haven’t the faintest clue as to what it can be._

\- Of course he did. Soft hearted fool.

(he sends the surveillance clip to Harry’s glasses.)

He only clued in to my hints after that. Now he thinks that I’m going to try and see him killed in the trials or something. I had planned to deal with it, but I’ve had missions come up that needed tending first.

_\- Oh._

_(a long pause)_

_It’s quite different knowing something and actually seeing the proof of it isn’t it?_

\- Aye, it is.

I warned him he has to be careful. That he can’t do anything to risk getting himself kicked out. I’m not sure he realizes that we’ve managed to keep our relationship from Arthur all this time. Or that he risks everything by being so obvious. All he sees is that he thinks he’s wronged us. And as I told you, he hasn’t wronged me.

_\- (a sigh)_

_I am not sure what is to be done right now. I wished we had had time to properly discuss this before anything happened. For his sake more than ours. We’ve made it through all these years, I’m confident we’ll make it through many more._

_But Eggsy is… He’s not weak, but he’s not as tough as he would like to make the world believe. As he wants to believe._

_And with him still a candidate and that whole business with Valentine… I don’t think now would be the time to all sit down and have a talk._

\- I agree. The lad needs to get through the training. And this thing with Valentine has the potential to be far bigger than we thought. It’s nebulous, and I don’t like that I’m not getting the full picture.

It’s not the right time for us all to talk, but I suppose I do need to say something. I can’t have him spending his time worried about what he thinks I might do when he should be focused on the tests.

Any advice, my pet? I’m afraid we are now well out of my comfort zone.

_\- Have you tried writing to him?_

_He’s no coward, he would read whatever you have to say to him._

\- I started a couple of letters, but I never finished them. I’m not as good as you when it comes to comfort. And for once I care about doing it right.

_\- Then, don’t try to comfort him. Tell him the facts as they are and what are the boundaries he needs to respect until he’s properly become an agent._

_Even if he was oblivious, he isn’t an idiot. He’ll probably work extra hard to read between the lines after what he thinks has been a disaster._

_And if you are worried that he might still misinterprets your words for something they are not, I’ll make sure to write him a letter too. Maybe tell him all about the rules you insisted on putting down before we even had our first kiss. Telling him that this is how you are when you care and there is no changing you about it._

\- Thank you, Harry.

I’ll never understand how you do that, make me sound like a decent man. But I appreciate it all the same.

I’ll see I get something written before I head home. Are you there already?

_\- That’s because you are a decent man, you make it easy for me to._

_And yes I’m there already. Shall I call for some takeaway or would you rather pick some on the way? I’m not that hungry and that way you can agonize on that letter for as long as you like._

\- Takeaway sounds perfect. I’m nearly done moving assets around for your alias, then I’ll start right in on the letter. An hour, maybe two at the most, then I’ll head home.

(a pause)

I missed you today. It will be good to see you back at home and not in that bloody suite in medical.

_\- It’s good to be back and it’s all made better by the fact I’ll sleep in your arms tonight._

_It might sound strange since I wasn’t even conscious for most of it, but… but I’ve missed us._

_I think it’s all those old letters_

\- It has been rather nostalgic reading them again. Perhaps there is something to be said of trying to find our way back to that.

In the meantime, I promise not to keep you waiting too long, my pet. I love you.

_\- And I love you._

_(a small pause)_

_Merlin?_

\- Yes Harry?

-  _I don’t want to rush you but… Please don’t take too long._

_I think I need you tonight._

\- And you’ll have me, pet, anyway you need me. An hour, i’ll write the letter on the shuttle.

Go order some food, and put on something comfortable. I’ll be there soon.

- _I truly do love you._

_See you soon._

_-_ And I you. See you soon.

(connection closed)

* * *

Eggsy,

You need to stop with the insistence that you’ve wronged us, or that we’ll want nothing to do with you now. That’s not the case. Even more importantly, you need to stop thinking that I’m going to try and get back at you over some non-existent ownership over Harry.  ~~Our relationship isn’t like th~~    ~~I’m not like tha~~

Things are… complicated.  ~~Harry and I both want~~  There needs to be a proper discussion of what’s happening between us, about Kingsman and their views on  _anything_  that’s not traditional, but not now. Right now you have to focus on the tests.

I can’t, and won’t, treat you any differently than the other candidates. But perhaps some ground rules will help you to focus.

Keep things professional, with both Harry and I, on the grounds. You are  _always_  being watched. There is no privacy at Kingsman. A Kingsman and a gentleman keeps personal things just that, personal.

It will be good for you, however, to have an outlet. Keep writing to  ~~us~~ Harry if it will help. We may be monitored, but we’re gentleman enough not to snoop through personal mail. The things you can’t say or do, put them on paper instead.

 ~~When~~  If you make it through the trials, Eggsy, then we can sort this all out. In the meantime, there is nothing you need apologize for. Unless it’s for letting your feelings get caught on camera. Let’s work on that.

Merlin


	18. Chapter 18

My dearest Eggsy,

As far as I am concerned, you have nothing to be sorry about. Of course, you should avoid such blatant displays of affection at the manor, but only because I don’t want Chester to have any excuse to dismiss you unfairly. Not after all the hard work and dedication you’ve put for all those months.

I wish I didn’t have to ask such a thing from you, but in some ways, I feel Kingsman is still in the Dark Ages.

It’s hard to find the fine line that allows you to show the care you have for those you hold dear and still be ‘proper’ in Chester’s eyes, but I have no doubt you’ll succeed in this too. And if it takes some time, well, Merlin probably has a lot to say about me and how I  ~~am~~  was far from being the best example in such matters. I don’t know if he still got the list of rules he made all those years ago when we tentatively started dating, but I know for a fact I have broken  ~~all of them~~  a few of them.

And you are right. You should trust Merlin. He’s not the easiest man to read, especially in a professional setting, but he cares deeply. You might find that hard to believe, but do remember that while you are a recruit, he cannot show any kind of favouritism. It wouldn’t help you in the long run.

If you want to continue writing to us me and Merlin, or either, we would both be happy to continue our correspondence.  ~~If you’d rather stop~~   ~~If you feel too uncomfortable~~  We care a great deal about you and even if the current circumstances aren’t ideal, I wish we can come to an understanding until the time comes when we can all discuss this earnestly.

With my most sincere affection,  
Harry


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Merlin and Harry,

Let me know if I’ve got this arse backwards, but it sounds like the two of you are… okay with my feelings for both of you? Like once I’m Lancelot there could be… something between the three of us. I want that. Oh my god, do I fucking want that.

But you’re right, the pair of you. I have to learn to keep all this in check so no one (especially Arthur or Charlie) finds out. I don’t want to have to leave now, not after I’m so close to the finish line. Maybe you can help me with that, Merlin? Because, swear down, if I hadn’t read those old letters, I’d never have known that you and Harry were partners. Good friends, sure, but I didn’t know you were in love. So help me hide what I’m feeling, unless I’m writing these letters.

Guess tonight’ll be a good test. Seduce a girl I ain’t interested in (don’t get me wrong, she’s well fit, but she ain’t either of you) for Queen and country. I’ll pass, I promise. I’ll show you that I can bury my feelings as well as the next spy. Thanks for the gear, Harry, by the way. Love the trainers! Can I keep them?

Almost time to head to the club. Just know that while I’m in her bed, I’ll be thinking of the two of you. But no one will be able to tell that I’m anything but gagging for the hot blonde.

Love,

Eggsy


	20. Chapter 20

Eggsy,

I’m sending this letter on with Harry because I’m sure he’ll know when the best time to give it to you is.

Well done. Your loyalty is something I know  ~~Harry and I are~~  Kingsman will be glad to have.  ~~I’m very proud of y~~

In future, trust your gut. You were the only one to notice the drug in the champagne, even though the others surely have more experience with how it should have tasted. You knew and when you’re on missions, trust yourself and use it.

[several blank lines, then crammed near the bottom of the paper]

Maybe, if you’re convincing enough, you can get Harry to share a few more of our letters with you. Ask him about the ones he sent (to the house, but addressed to me) from his mission to Argentina. I nearly blew the first one up when half a dozen dead butterflies fell out.

I’m sorry I can’t be there with the both of you tonight.  ~~We can’t take any chances now that the end is in sight.~~  But after the test, once Arthur’s said his peace and the paperwork is done, I’ll excuse myself and meet the two of you at home. It might be the right time for that conversation.

I’ll see you tomorrow, Eggsy.

Merlin


	21. Chapter 21

My dearest Eggsy,

I hope that the hangover from all those martinis isn’t so bad. I fear I overestimated your limits last night and forgot to take into account that you had just been drugged a few hours ago.

If you are reading this note, then you surely found the aspirin I left out for you, as well as the glass of water.

I shouldn’t be out for long, but I realised that if I wanted to cook you a meal fit for teaching you some table manners like I promised you, I needed to go to the shops. Merlin and I aren’t all that good at keeping the pantry full, I’m afraid.

If you feel up to it, there is fresh coffee waiting for you in the kitchen and one of those old letter you told me Merlin mentioned in his last letter to you. It will be right next to the pot and should keep you entertained until my return.

With my most sincere affection,  
Harry

* * *

[written on a paper that has gotten yellow with age]

My darling Merlin,

Even if I have the immense luck of hearing your marvellous voice every day since I left, I must admit that I yearn to feel your arms around me again. There isn’t a night where I don’t dream of kissing you again and rediscovering your whole body with lips and fingers.

It is a constant struggle not to abandon this mission and come back home to you. But I wouldn’t be the man you fell in love with were I to give up now on my assignment.

So I persist with my surveillance and try not to lose myself too much inside my daydreams of being by your side once more. I would be satisfied with being close enough to feel your warmth through our clothes, but I what I truly long for is to hold your hand while you take me apart with your words.

My perseverance has at least rewarded me with some gorgeous specimens of Doxocopa Seraphina, Heliconius Erato and Callicore Hydaspes. I have taken the liberty to send them to you.

Their beauty reminded me of yours.

Tu me manques comme personne ne m’a jamais manqué.

My heart is forever yours,  
Your devoted Harry


	22. Chapter 22

[On a piece of stationary with Harry Hart written at the top in elegant scrawl. It’s slightly creased, with a coffee ring on the upper left corner and water droplets at the bottom] 

Dear Merlin and Harry,

Because it seems the right time to start writing these to the both of you. Harry left your letter, Merlin, along with one of his own and one from your time before for me to wake up to. Also, ta Harry for the paracetamol and water this morning, I think we both overestimated how many martinis I could down. I think the excitement of spending 24 hours with you made me forget about the test. Though I’m not sure I’ll forget the sight of that train coming at me any time soon. Won’t be taking the Tube for a bit, I’ll tell you that for free.

I’m actually looking forward to whatever this last test is. I love Rox (not like  ~~I love you two~~  that) but if she doesn’t make Lancelot she’ll still do something amazing with her life, I just know it. Me, this is my ONLY chance and I’ll do whatever it takes. However much pain or torture or cruelty I have to bear, I can take it.  ~~For you~~. I promise I will trust my gut next time, Merlin. I will make you both proud of me. I will.

What the fuck with the butterflies, Harry? I know I shouldn’t swear in letters, but what the actual fuck? Are they the same like the ones I saw on the walls of your bedroom when I used the upstairs loo. Are you a collector or summat, Harry? That’s a little weird, mate. Merlin, how do you put up with that? It’s a bit creepy, innit?

[words have been written and scratched out so hard the paper is torn through in places]

The letter Harry left was one from him to you, Merlin. About how much he missed you. How he wanted to… touch you. Kiss you. Everywhere. I [more crossing out and the next words are written smaller and somewhat rushed) I wanked in the shower this morning to the thought of that. To Harry kissing you everywhere, Merlin. To Merlin “taking you apart” with his words, Harry. To the both of you touching me and kissing me. God, I want it so bad. Soon, yeah? Like you said Merlin, soon as the paperwork’s dry we can all come home and talk this out. I hope you’ll let me kiss you both. I almost kissed Harry last night over the martinis, but I wanted you there too, Merlin. I want all three of us together for that. And maybe you’ll tell me what the French sentence at the bottom means. Something about missing someone? (Rox has been giving me basic French lessons, not that kind). Harry missing you, Merlin, right? I can understand that. I’ve only been away from you for a night and I miss you too.

That’s the door. Harry’s home with the breakfast he promised me. Harry, luv, there better be bacon is all I’m saying. ;) I’ll see you both soon. I’m telling Harry to wait until you’re together to open this one.

With love and hope,

Eggsy Unwin

Agent Lancelot (because by the time you both read this, I will be)


	23. Chapter 23

[unfinished, unread letter, tucked hastily into the drawer of Merlin’s desk]

Eggsy,

I should have recognized what was happening when Arthur said he wanted the two of us to be the ones to administer the tests. Procedure calls for two handlers to do it – people whom you do not know, but must trust implicitly. You have too many biases towards Arthur  ~~and I~~ , and you still have that chip on your shoulder. There was never going to be a scenario where you’d shoot JB for him.

It was a setup for failure that I shouldn’t have allowed. Prep for the Valentine mission isn’t an excuse for my lapse. I’m sorry it cost you your chance Eggsy.

I know you took Arthur’s cab, it was easy to track. I’m already anticipating the man storming down and insisting that I remove you from the organization completely. I’ll do my best to calm him and convince him to let me put your skills to good use as one of our drivers. He may outrank me, but I am still Quartermaster and he knows he’ll face my ire if he orders me to not take in on someone with proven skills from the candidates. His fear of my retaliation should outweigh his dislike of you.

But Eggsy, this puts us in a precarious position for a future relationship. As a knight, there are certain things Kingsman is willing to be blind to, or that is easier to get away with. But a driver – Eggsy, even I will have a hard time keeping the scrutiny off of you. Support staff is monitored much more heavily, to prevent the chance of being sold out.

Maybe in a few weeks, once we’ve squared things away and we aren’t fighting to keep you where you belong —-

* * *

[unfinished letter, left out on a table in the Kingsman jet as it begins its descent into Valentine’s bunker; ink is smudged and the writing is shaky]

You bloody fucking bastard.

How dare you get yourself fucking killed by a megalomaniac with a lisp in a goddamn hate groups church parking lot. That’s a step too far, Harry, even for your over dramatic peacock ass.

~~What~~   ~~How do I~~  You didn’t even say my name.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. It wasn’t supposed to end at all, but we both know I never liked lying to myself.

I’m sorry, pet. I’m so bloody sorry. We have to stop the end of the world, and there is no time to collect you first. After, once Eggsy takes the suit you had made for him and stops Valentine, I’ll come and get you myself – you know I can’t just leave all that Kingsman tech just laying around for anyone to find.

Oh god, Harry, what the fuck do I do now?


	24. Chapter 24

[a random, unrelated letter, currently tucked away in a box in their home]

_October 17, 1991_

Harry,

You’ve only just left and I’ve already caught myself trying to talk to you as if you were still here.

Two months feels like an awfully long time not to hear you making jokes at my expense or dropping by to tell me of the expensive tech you’ve managed to break or blow up. I suppose I’ll just have to imagine your voice in my ear clamoring for my attention while I’m trying to work to fill the void you’ve left behind.

I’m certain you’ll laugh at me when you read this on your return, but I’m not sure that I care.

You can be certain that your voice will be echoing in my head in the dark of night. Your harsh breaths when I kiss down your spine. The involuntary gasps when my tongue first laps at your hole. The whimpering grunts when I work one then two then three fingers inside you. But the best will be when I get off thinking of the helpless wail you make when I thrust inside you just the way you need and you shiver and come all over the sheets.

Oh pet, it’s going to be a very long two months.

I hope you’ve prepared yourself for the welcome home I’m already planning for you. If not, I’m making sure you read this letter before we see each other – prep now and meet me at your house.

I miss you, Harry. Get your ass home.

Leatsa gu sìorraidh,

Merlin


	25. Chapter 25

[two letters are found tucked away in one of the seat on the private jet, given to their intended recipients by the well-meaning cleaning staff weeks after they’ve been written]

 ~~My Sw~~   ~~Dearest E~~   ~~Darl~~

Dear Eggsy,

I am perfectly aware that I have probably lost the right to call you mine forever, but I cannot call you anything but dear to me. I apologize if this make you feel uncomfortable. If it does, consider it the last time I will ever write it out.

Not that this is the only thing I apologize for. I have been horrid to you and for no better reason than because I was angry at myself. Unfortunately, it is easier for me to lash out at someone else than it is to accept my own shortcomings.

I had no right to speak to you like I did. No right to be angry because you’ve kept you precious innocence and refused to shoot a dog at the say so of a man you had no reason to trust.

If only that was my only sin concerning you…

You must know that I was lying when I pretended I helped you simply out of guilt for what I let happen to your father. Of course, I cannot pretend I didn’t bail you out because of the debt I will forever carry, but when I made you my proposal, it was only because of the man you let me glimpse at.

Not even who you can be and will without a doubt become, but the one you already are. Loyal, kind, determined…

Is it a surprise that I’ve wanted to impress you so much? You bewitched me completely and I had hoped to keep your favor forever…

I don’t even need Merlin to tell me that I’ve cock that one up badly.

I hope you won’t hold my mistakes against him. There is something wonderful between the two of you and I hope that even if you cannot stand to be in my presence anymore, that you’ll allow him a chance to stay at your side. I would understand if you do not want to share his heart with me, but let him have your friendship. Please.

I am deeply sorry and ashamed for how I acted.

I should have told you all of this before leaving the house, but it’s too late now. If you allow it at my return however, I will apologise for every of my wrongs.

With my undying affection,  
Harry

* * *

Merlin,

~~I don’t know why you allow me any contact with others unsupervised~~

~~You won’t be surprised to find out I managed to fuck up your chances~~

~~I don’t know how I could have thought for a second I was any kind of gentleman~~

~~What you’re still doing with me is a wonder I’ll never understand~~

I fucked up. I fucked up in a big way and I just hope it won’t affect your relationship with Eggsy.

I don’t think it will however, Eggsy would never make the mistake to hold the mistakes of another against someone. So if he still wants your friendship, if he still wants that something  _more_ you can offer him, you better give your everything to him.

And don’t think this is me trying to get rid of you, you know I couldn’t function without you by my side.

But he makes you happy… Not that we aren’t happy, at least, I don’t think we’re not, but he can make you happy in times that I cannot. I wouldn’t want you to miss on any scrap of happiness Lady Luck offers us with.

Even if he doesn’t find it in his heart to forgive me, I am sure we could figure something out. I won’t ever give up on you, but I won’t let you give up on him either.

I wish you could be more than a voice in my ear right now, that you could be holding me and reassure me that even though I’ve buggered all my chances with Eggsy, I couldn’t chase you away even if I tried. That as long as your heart is beating, you wouldn’t let me jeopardize my own happiness. You’ve done a pretty good job all those years.

I think I miss you more than I have ever done and I cannot wait to be back in London, just to breathe you in.

I do think you’re the reason I am the oldest active Knight alive.

I cannot bear the thought of never coming home to you, to one more of your kiss. One more of your smile.

I love you.  
Tu me manques.

Always yours,  
Harry


	26. Chapter 26

[An old letter, yellowed by the years, tucked away in a seldom used drawer, all but forgotten]

My dearest Merlin,

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

I should have realised something was wrong when you didn’t banter back. Should have known that what I was hearing in your voice wasn’t mere discomfort, but pain.

That I was an ocean away from you and fighting for my life at the time seems like a very poor excuse now that you’re in a hospital bed, still unconscious after your operation for an appendicitis of all the things to take you down.

That’s another thing I am sorry about, the constant worry I cause you whenever our positions are reversed. It doesn’t matter that we both know that me lending in a infirmary bed is very likely to happen considering I am an active field agent. It doesn’t change how terrifying it must be for you to see me lying so still and wonder if this is the last time…

Let’s just say that I am sorry that I have never properly apologized for making you feel so helpless. That it never occurred to me until now how you felt looking over me.

I sincerely don’t know how you do it, but I am grateful that you’ve never stopped doing so. Waking up to you makes the hurt fade away and I hope seeing me at your side when you finally open your eyes will have the same effect.

I don’t think I could continue if you weren’t there for me to return to…

Wake up soon my darling so that I can tell you all of this by voice. You deserve no less.

Ta voix me manque

My heart is forever yours,  
Your devoted Harry


	27. Chapter 27

[left on Merlin’s terminal just before they land]

Merlin,

Merlin. Oh, Merlin. I know you said I could read any letters between the two of you, but… I didn’t mean to find it, it was just… You’re flying the plane and we dropped off Roxy and-

I’m going out there right now and I’m going to kill Valentine. I will. For taking him away from ~~you me us~~  you. I don’t even know if you’ll see this before I get back.  ~~If I get~~

I have to say I was glad to read that you’ve always been planning to go pick up Harry, because if you weren’t… you just wouldn’t be the man I feel like I’m finally  ~~falling in~~  getting to know. You know? We’ll take down Valentine, we’ll bring Harry home. Together.

I know that Harry’s always been in the middle, hasn’t he? Not like, you know, separating us but the one bringing us together. If… all this shit might make you want to reevaluate… things you might have told me. Written to me. If that’s what happens, I get it. I can’t imagine your loss. It would probably kill me if I’d had a life with Harry and lost him. I’ve known Harry for such a short time and the fucker’s been in a coma for most of it and… I’d die for him. I’d have died instead of him if I could have. I WILL kill for him. I already killed Arthur for him and now I’ll kill Valentine and anyone else I need to in order to get to him. I know how much I’m… grieving and it feels like, it’s like my heart don’t work right anymore. But when you looked at me, when you told me how good I was looking, it felt like it might again. Someday.

So, when you’re ready, if you’re ever ready. I just want you to know I’m still here. For you. In whatever way you want me. Kingsman or not, lover or not, I’m here for you.

Always,

Eggsy

* * *

 [left on an empty grave in the back of the Kingsman Manor]

Dear Harry,

We couldn’t find you. We tried, we fucking tried! So we put up this nice little stone back here. Got your dates and your name. Merlin had them write something on it I don’t understand and I’m too scared to look it up. I know I’ll never compare to what the two of you had.

Merlin, god Merlin misses you so much I don’t know how he’s still standing some days. I do my best to hold him together; I will stay by his side until he tells me to leave, swear down, Harry. I’ll take care of Merlin, I swear. As long as he lets me.

I’m a Kingsman, Harry. Galahad. When Merlin told me, I… I couldn’t decide if I was honoured to carry on in your name officially or if I’d never be able to stand being called by your codename. Like I’d always be looking over my shoulder, hoping to see you.

I… We don’t write letters anymore, Harry. Merlin and I, we talk when we need to. Get what comfort we can from each other. But I don’t write it down and I don’t think he does either. Doesn’t give me letters anymore. It’s just- Things finally calmed down enough to give the jet a proper cleaning and they found your letters. Merlin hasn’t let me read the one you wrote him and I haven’t let him read the one you wrote me. I’m sure we will someday. I hope anyway. But… 

I forgive you. Harry, I forgive you wherever you are now. I forgave you a thousand times while I waited in your house for you to return. After I thought it over in all that time; Arthur set me up to fail, I see that now. It was never your fault and I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like I did. I know you may have saved me the first time because of what you owed my Dad, but the rest? I’m glad to know it was about me. I feel like I knew it was, but what do logic and anger ever have to do with each other, eh?  ~~You were forgiven before you~~  You were forgiven, Harry. I don’t know if that helps you find peace or heaven or whatever, but I forgive you.

I love you. Fucking fuck Harry I love you so much. It’s still love, it can’t be loved. Not yet. I can’t feel like it’s in the past yet, even after all these months. Every time I see the words ‘with my undying affection’ in your handwriting. Harry, it’s the same for me. My  ~~affection~~  love for you is undying. A part of me will always be yours.

Always,

Your Eggsy


	28. Chapter 28

[a series of haphazard notes, tucked into a box at the back of Merlin’s desk drawer; some are crumpled and then smoothed out; others are written in a shaking hand; yet others are pristine, tucked away with care]

  * cream
  * coffee
  * tea
  * soap
  * ~~Lauden chocolate~~
  * Lauden chocolate



* * *

Leatsa gu sìorraidh, Harry. I just never expected forever to end up being without you beside me. Would we find each other again if I was to die too? Would we be reunited in some eternal heaven? Or would we both be condemned to an endless hell of looking for, but never finding, the other. 

I’m tempted to try and find out. Could it really be worse than waiting here without you?

* * *

I thought I saw you today, turning around the corner near your office. I ran after you, yelling your name like a fool, and then I was around the corner and you were standing, back to me, at your door. He looks just like you, Eggsy does – same hair, same swagger, same cut of suit. But when he turned towards me I realized my mistake and it was like someone had gripped my heart and pulled it from my chest.

But then we looked at each other and I could see my grief reflected in his eyes. He knew, he understood. I’m not doing right by him, Harry, but I don’t know how. Not when he reminds me so much of you. Not when I’ve never been the good one at relationships, not like you.

I’ll try harder.

* * *

Did you ever get the chance to see a High Brown Fritillary when you were alive? There was one fluttering near the flowers on your grave today and I wondered if it knew you’d want to see it. I took a picture and went to send it to you on instinct. I guess I’ll never know now. 

* * *

I was saving it, the last two fingers of scotch in your decanter, for a man that will never return. I was saving it and then he drank it and I was torn between hitting him and crying. Instead I escorted him to the door and when I was sure that he was gone, I yelled until my voice was gone and I could barely breathe.

I’ll never be able to stomach the stuff again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Authors Notes_
> 
> In Merlin's head he calls this his box of broken memories. Merlin isn't in a very good place right now. Also that first one is a shopping list and yes Merlin decides to continue buying the chocolate he got for Harry every week even though he's dead. 
> 
> I'm of the understanding that leatsa gu sìorraidh means forever yours but I could be wrong and google translate is subpar with gaelic


	29. Chapter 29

[Agent Galahad, glasses feed, partial recording]

_(Galahad, with a view of long corridor, eerily quiet)_ : I don’t like this, Merlin. Something isn’t right here.

_(Merlin, over comms)_ : I agree, Galahad, but this is the mission. I’m detecting no alarms or external traffic on their servers. Nothing to indicate you’ve been discovered.

_(Galahad, moving along the wall, scanning doors and around corners)_ : Alright. As soon as the tap is in place, I’m out of here. I’m not staying a moment longer than I have to.

_(Merlin)_ : Aye, agreed.

_(silence as Galahad makes his way to a room at the end of several hallways; He opens the door and sweeps the room with his gun; empty of people, but several racks of computer servers line the room)_

_(Galahad)_ : Alright, I’m in. Moving to place the tap now.

_(Merlin)_ : Third rack on your right, fifth server down. If there is a port that’s hidden from view, use it. Never bad to give us a bit more time before it’s found.

_(quiet hum of computers as a hand comes into view and inserts a Kingsman USB keychain into the server)_

_(Galahad)_ : Alright, it’s –

_(alarm blaring; view whips around, scanning the room; red lights flashing)_

_(Merlin, sounds of a keyboard clacking)_ : Shit, get out, Galahad.

_(Galahad, dashing across the room)_ : Already on it.

_(the door is shut, locked when an arm comes into view to try it; beside the door is a timer, counting down, currently at 27)_

_(Galahad)_ : Fuck! Merlin, please tell me you’re already on that.

_(Merlin, voice tight)_ : I am, but get the hell out of there regardless.

_(a foot breaks down the door and then there is just the blur of hallways)_

_(Merlin)_ : Bloody hell, I can’t get in, they fried the systems. There is no outside connection. Run!

_(Galahad, panting)_ : Merlin, I’m –

_(loud explosion, flickering video and then a black screen)_

_(Merlin, audio only)_ : Galahad. Galahad! Galahad, please respond.  _(rapid typing sounds)_  Fuck. Eggsy! Eggsy, answer me lad!

[end recording]

* * *

[a letter, sitting on the desk in Eggsy’s office]

Not you too. I can’t do this if you are gone too.

Harry asked me to make sure we stayed together in his last letter. He knew how much you meant to me already and he didn’t want his bullheadedness to keep us apart. And in the end it wasn’t his but my own, wasn’t it? Grief is no excuse, not when we both were in pain.

I keep thinking I should be angrier, but all I feel is emptiness.

It will be a few days before we can come and collect your body, or what’s left of it. I’ll come myself. You mean too much for me not to ~~, just like Harry~~.

I’m sorry, Eggsy. I’m sorry for all of my faults. I’m sorry I never said out loud how much you mean to me and that it took until you were gone for me to write it to you again.

I think once you’re home that I’m done with Kingsman. Without the two of you, HQ feels like a tomb. I don’t want to give it my life too.

I got so much time with Harry, and then I squandered what little time you and I had together. I regret so much of that now.

I love you, Eggsy. I love you.

* * *

[surveillance footage from camera 126C - shuttle receiving/hangar viewing room; video only]

(Merlin paces back and forth across the room, stopping every other pass to look at the computer that shows the status and location of the shuttle before continuing again.

<< fast forward 12 minutes >>

Merlin stands rigid and still in the middle of the room as the shuttle pulls in and the door opens.  
  
Slowly, and obviously painfully, Eggsy comes limping out. Merlin visibly sags and then is rushing forward. He wraps Eggsy in his arms, pressing his face into his hair. His shoulders shake with what appears to be sobs. Eggsy’s hands grip tightly to the back of Merlin’s jumper.

They pull away from each other just enough for Merlin to say something, before leaning in and pressing a kiss to Eggsy’s lips.

They kiss for a moment, but then Eggsy’s hands shake violently against Merlin’s back and he goes limp in Merlin’s arms.

Merlin picks him up in his arms and starts yelling as he carries him from the room.)

[end recording]


	30. Chapter 30

[a note left on the small table at Eggsy’s bedside in Medical. It has Merlin’s name on it and is weighted down by a worn copy of The Hobbit]

Eggsy is sleeping when Merlin comes by for his hourly visit. Eggsy sleeps a lot, trying to give his body time to recover from his injuries, the most damning of which is a leg brace that will keep him out of field work for some time. Merlin gently touches the young man’s hair, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

Eggsy wriggles a little in his sleep, but doesn’t wake. Merlin opens the letter.

 

Dear Merlin,

Roxy found your a letter on my desk when she went and got me my book so I’m not just staring at walls. Although I’m sure you know it’s not MY book. Not originally. Nope, like my house, my title and you, it was Harry’s first. We have to… Merlin, we have to mourn him properly. I’ve been leaving everything exactly as he did. Wearing his cologne, reading his books, trying to be enough like him that you might… love me again.

Then I read this letter. Then I nearly die and you kiss me like it’s not our first. Merlin, I want to make a go of this. But I need to know you aren’t gonna hide yourself away from me again. Harry wouldn’t want that. I don’t want that. We have to make a fresh start, something that is just for… the two of us. We never forget Harry, I never could and I KNOW you never could, but we find how this works just the two of us, yeah? Can we do that?

I love you. I love you, Whatever Your Real Name Is Because I’m Pretty Sure It Ain’t Actually Merlin. I love you, Merlin. Now wake me the fuck up so I can say all this out loud.

Love,

YOUR Eggsy

 

Merlin looks up, steeling himself to do as the letter asks, but Eggsy is already blinking at him, small smile on his face. “I love you.”


	31. Chapter 31

[As Harry’s office is finally given a less superficious clean-up, an envelope is found among his paperwork, addressed to both Merlin and Eggsy.]

My dearest Merlin and Eggsy,

If you have found this letter, then my luck has come to pass and the worst has happened to me on my last mission. I would fear for the fate of the world if I failed, but I know the two of you will work together to succeed where I did not.

This is not the first letter of this sort I have written, but this one is different. Easier in some ways, harder in others.

Eggsy, please take care of Merlin for me. He’s stubborn and doesn’t realise that he’s human. Doesn’t realise that he needs to stop sometime. I have no doubts that he hasn’t had a break since I left for whatever last assignment that was mine. And while I understand his need of throwing himself into work for a time, I don’t want him to stop living.

It might sound selfish of me to ask this of you, but I know he’ll listen to you. He cares for you greatly and if you tell him you worry for him, he’ll make an effort. And sooner than he expects, I know it won’t be an effort anymore, that he’ll start taking joy in the simple things again.

Merlin, please try and open up to Eggsy. And don’t be too hard on our boy. I dare say he is hurting too. His loss is different than yours, but it is a loss nonetheless. He’ll understand. And please do not retreat behind your professional handler armor. It won’t be any good to you and if Eggsy is anything like me, it will hurt him more than anything in the world. He doesn’t need a handler. He needs a friend…

Or a lover.

A partner.

We never had time to really discuss it as we wanted to, the three of us together, but I think we all knew where we wanted our relationship to go. And I sincerely hope that my death won’t come between you two.

I know life isn’t as simple as hopes and wishes, but please do not ignore the bond that links you together already. The love. I would have to be blind not to have seen it and thinking it can wither and die is more horrifying to me than the thought of my death.

You can be so happy together. Knowing this is giving me the strength that I need not to be afraid of the great unavoidable.

I love you more than I thought it was possible to love. I always will, no matter what happens.

My heart belongs to you both, forever  
Your Harry


	32. Chapter 32

Patient Casefile

Name: John Doe

Sex: Male

Age: Late 40s-Early 50s

Blood Type: AB-

Allergies: None found so far

[…]

Patient was found with life-threatening head/brain injury outside a church in Kentucky. Alpha-Gel was applied in a fifteen minutes window of the accident and the nanites have been injected to repair the damages caused to the tissues.

The left eye is an entire loss, but the patient has been declared out of danger. It is too early to know if they’ll suffer from any other complications.

Other minor injuries have been treated. The stab wound in the left shoulder might require some physical therapy, but it hasn’t hit anything vital.

The patient is to be kept under observation until they wake up.

* * *

Ginger’s log

Entry 2567

So the mystery of whatever happened in that church has finally been solved and quicker than I expected.

I wish I could say I don’t know how Valentine’s slow descent into megalomania escaped Statesman for so long, but a lot of our operatives have been found headless. I am disgusted to say agents Cider, Absinthe and Vodka were among them.

Though maybe this time I’ll be lucky and Whiskey won’t oppose me taking on a field position, but I’m not holding my breath.

The John Doe we found Tequila and I is still unconscious, but there is hope he’ll be able to shine a light to all that happened when he wakes up. If the glasses found on him hadn’t betray him as Intelligence already, reviewing the footage of what happened inside the church wouldn’t have left me with any doubt. Few people can be that effective at killing over 30 people while sustaining so few injuries.

Champ is still a bit unhappy about having a rival operative in our midst, but until we can figure out who he belongs to and the extent of his brain trauma, it would be too great a risk to release him onto an unsuspecting public.

I had hoped that even somewhat destroyed, the glasses would give me answers, but whoever made them is -good-. And I think it’s safe to say that whoever they are, they are also not prone to fall into cliche. I half-feared they would self-destruct, but the data on them is the only thing that was erased from existence.


	33. Chapter 33

Patient Casefile

Name: John  ~~Doe~~  Smith

Nationality: Probably British

Sex: Male

Age: Late 40s-Early 50s

Blood Type: AB-

Allergies: None found so far or remembered

[…]

Patient has briefly regained consciousness after a week in a coma.

They seem to suffer from a minor dysphasia, confusion and amnesia, but whether it is from the brain injury or the heavy medication is still unclear.

No physical therapy will be required for the injured shoulder and all other wounds are healing without any complication.

Further tests will be administered once the Patient can stay awake for an extended period of time.

* * *

Ginger’s log

Entry 2571

Our John Doe – or John Smith rather, judging from the accent – has woken up for the first time today. It’s not quite the good news I had hoped it would be.

It’s possible the heavy medication is the reason behind the amnesia and minor dysphasia, but I think it’s a safer bet to assume it has been caused by the brain injury. The nanites can only do so much to repair the damaged tissues. I’ll have to start thinking how I might jog his memories.

With luck, once he can tell me his name, I can find a trail that will lead me to whatever agency he’s working for. Meanwhile, I’m snooping in the MI-6 files, but I don’t hold much hope. They might not be the best out there, but they are expert at concealing sensitive information. Except if John Smith is a burned operative, I would have to do some major hacking when I’m not even sure I’m looking in the right place.

Champ agrees with me that it’s not worth the risk right now.

In other news, the fields positions have been filled again and, unsurprisingly, I have been overlooked again. It’s a good thing Whiskey is three states away right now. I wouldn’t do anything to him, but Tequila has far less impulse control than I do. And he’s been worse lately.

It hasn’t affected his work yet and I trust he’ll find his way to the right path again, but I recommended to Champ to keep him grounded at HQ as additional security for the time being. A flimsy excuse, but one Tequila has accepted without much fuss.


	34. Chapter 34

Ginger’s Log

Entry 2578

I swear, new agents are the bane of my existence.

I don’t know what exactly Absinthe has done to trigger the alarm, but if he does it again, I’ll make him regret ever stepping out from behind his mother’s skirt. He’s gotten a good chewing down by Champ, but we all know the man has done him a mercy. Next time he’ll understand why the only reason Whiskey dares to speak against me is because he’s usually two States over if it’s not more.

It wouldn’t piss me off so much if it wasn’t for our anonymous patient though. It put him in quite a state, even if he was safe in the infirmary. I haven’t seen him myself and I didn’t check the cameras because each man deserve that little respect at least, but Tequila tells me he found him cowering in a corner even more confused than the first time he woke up.

Thankfully, he seemed to get over his fright pretty quickly, but a panic attack right now isn’t something he needs and I was worried the stuttering would have to be added to all his known conditions until he calmed down enough.

And really, considering the footage we’ve recovered from the church, it’s a good thing he wasn’t triggered into reacting differently. Not sure who I would put down my money on in a fight between him and Statesman support personnel.

But he still has no clue of the man he truly is and it’s getting harder to think of a good reason to keep him under observation.

* * *

Ginger’s Log

Entry 2578.1

If I had known I only needed to make the man sign a damn paper to find out his name, I would have done so much earlier.

Tequila will never let me live it down once he stops laughing about our mystery man’s real name.

* * *

Patient Casefile

Name:  ~~John Smith~~  Hardick “Harry” Hart

Nationality:  ~~Probably~~  British

Sex: Male

Physical age: Late 40s-Early 50s

Mental age: Mid-20s

Blood Type: AB-

Allergies: None

Known conditions: Amnesia and minor dysphasia

[…]

Patient has made a full physical recovery, but suffers from minor dysphasia and retrograde amnesia. An estimate of twenty to thirty years of memories are believed to be inaccessible.

Speech therapy is the recommended course for the dysphasia. Session are scheduled 4 times a week.

The amnesia doesn’t seem to temporary and further personal informations are required before attempting to trigger the memories.

* * *

Ginger’s log

Entry 2579

I still haven’t had any luck about finding any useful information on our guest even now that I know his name. You would think with a name like ‘Hardick’ he would be easy to find, but whoever erased his records is good. Very good. It’s been a while since I’ve had such a challenge. I only wish it wouldn’t be at Harry’s expense.

He’s been good at taking everything in stride however. He isn’t happy about being more or less a prisoner, even if he’s been given a better room outside of the infirmary, but so far he is focusing on his recovery.

I wish I could answer all the unasked questions, but I don’t want to tell him about the church yet. It could trigger his memories, but it could also trigger him negatively and I don’t think he’s ready for that yet.

Tequila tells me I’m coddling the man because I have a crush, but I’m not the one who sneaked him a book on butterflies after Harry mentioned he was studying them at uni.

I think that’s the more jarring thing about this situation however. That Harry, a man clearly in his late forties – if not older –, still believes to be in his twenties. He’s seen himself of course and he understands he’s missing years worth of memories, but that doesn’t change the fact that for him, he’s still very much a student dreaming to go out in the field and discover new species of butterflies.

I wonder how he would feel if he knew we shared part of the same dream. Would he feel the same kinship I do, or would he be horrified of the reason I want to go out?


	35. Chapter 35

[a sturdy piece of cardstock, folded in half once, Eggsy’s name printed on the outside and placed on his office desk]

Eggsy,

Would you please join me this afternoon, 1pm, in the back garden nearest to Harry?

Merlin

PS Don’t be late. And no, your leg is not an excuse for tardiness. I’ve seen you hobbling after that dog of yours, you can move plenty fast if properly motivated. Consider this the proper motivation.

\--

[video recording - Merlin’s glasses; personal feed]

(There is a frenzy of motion, until it finally rights itself. Merlin and Eggsy sit on a blanket laid out on the ground. There is a pillow cushioning Eggsy’s leg, straight out in front of him. Merlin is sans his glasses.)

“What are ya doing? Why are you recording this?”

“... it’s for Harry.”

(Eggsy looks at him curiously, and Merlin looks down at his hands.)

“I’ve been collecting things that I want… that I wish I could share with Harry. This would have been important to him, and I would asked him here if I could have. Is...is that alright?”

(Eggsy smiles softly and nods.)

“‘Course it is. Now, you gonna tell me what we’re doing here?”

(A basket is pushed into view and Merlin opens it to reveal a stash of food.)

“You’re always complaining that I don’t stop to eat lunch. Well this is me stopped. Eating lunch. With you.”

(Eggsy laughs and peeks over the edge of the basket.)

“Aw, you brought my favourites.”

(They both pull out sandwiches and start to eat.)

<< fast forward 18 minutes >>

(Eggsy leans back on his hands and looks at Merlin, affection evident.)

“That was aces. But now I’m going to have to try and waddle back to the mansion on this leg. Next time, let’s eat inside, at least until my leg is healed.”

(Merlin sets aside the basket and moves closer to Eggsy.)

“I was actually hoping that next time, you’d allow me to take you on a proper date, off grounds. Dinner and a..a movie, I believe is the right thing to do for a first date. If you’re interested of course. If you’d rather not I-”

(Eggsy sits up and places a hand on Merlin’s leg.)

“Don't be an idiot, Merlin. You know I'm interested. I love you don't I?”

(Merlin looks at Eggsy and then leans in, one hand resting carefully on the side of his neck, and kisses him.)

<< fast forward 3 minutes >>

(Eggsy pulls back and looks at Merlin, eyes slowly regaining focus. Merlin clears his throat and is smiling as he reaches out towards the glasses.)

[end recording]


End file.
